Life is unexpected. I honestly think that could be a good definition of life: unexpected. I recently had back surgery. I’m 39. I’ve never been in any traumatic accident or have any lifelong habits that might make me expect a herniated disc. In fact, other than a few occasional twinges and aches, I would say I’d never really had much back pain. Post-surgery I am still experiencing a lot of numbness and leg weakness. I’ve lost so much muscle in my left leg, but I’m trying not to worry. The doctor tells me it will just take time.
None of this was what I expected to be doing this spring. In fact, I had all sorts of hiking plans…now unexpectedly on hold. Instead of hiking like I planned, I’ve made a road trip, engaged more with church, cooked more meals for my family, and enjoyed hobbies I had abandoned.
A Whole Lot of Unexpected
Unexpected has become a common word in recent thoughts about my life over the past few years or maybe all of it. When I was in high school, I thought I’d possibly never get married or have a family, and instead would focus on career achievements. I unexpectedly met the greatest man I know in the first week of college, married him two years later, and have two great kids. I thought that family would mean I would have to give up my career aspirations (I was both wrong and right on this one). Then, I unexpectedly got one amazing career opportunity after another at my tribe (the Choctaw Nation of Oklahoma).
For most of my career, advancements came without me really looking for them, not even landing my dream job as the executive director of communications in 2018—very unexpected. I never expected that my tenure in that role also would be during some major PR crises, including one of historic proportions (COVID-19 anyone?!).
I also never expected that my workaholism—tied to a deep-seated identity based on my work—health issues (at 37, undiagnosed auto-immune condition that nearly caused me to go blind), and extreme job demands would nearly ruin me. I always thought I was a person who handled stress fairly well, but I found trusted family fearing out loud that my “job was killing me,” and me telling others “I feel like I’m going to mess everything up in my life.” I had to make a change.
No one in the business world expects the step back. I voluntarily gave up my dream job at a level very few reach in their entire career, much less before 40 (unexpected and really cool!), and eventually stepped all the way back to an individual contributor role. I am well aware of the career taboo. How if I ever want to go back into management or an executive position, I might fail to adequately explain it in an interview.
At moments, I still find myself trying to come to peace with the decision, but I know this: I’m where my work makes a positive difference, my skill sets are utilized, and I am not “on the job” 24/7 so I have something left to give those I love the most. I never expected that moving backwards down the career ladder would ever be anything I wanted. Yet, here I am, unexpectedly trying to redefine success.
Unexpected isn’t Always Bad
The unexpected gets an unfairly bad reputation. It seems that we like to categorize all bad things we aren’t prepared for as “unexpected,” but what about the unexpected raise at work, unexpected compliment or word of encouragement just when we need it, or an unexpected connection with someone that restores our faith in humanity a little?
This weekend, Christians are celebrating something that was unexpected. Even though Jesus tried to explain what would happen to him to his followers, his death was unexpected to them, but what happened three days later was unexpected by the world.
He Is Risen
24 Now on the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they, [a]and certain other women with them, came to the tomb bringing the spices which they had prepared. 2 But they found the stone rolled away from the tomb. 3 Then they went in and did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 And it happened, as they were [b]greatly perplexed about this, that behold, two men stood by them in shining garments. 5 Then, as they were afraid and bowed their faces to the earth, they said to them, “Why do you seek the living among the dead? 6 He is not here, but is risen! Remember how He spoke to you when He was still in Galilee, 7 saying, ‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.’ ”
Luke 24:1-7 (NKJV), emphasis mine
What a message! I am often greatly perplexed by unexpected things—even when the thing I expect (like Jesus being dead) is far worse than the unexpected thing (Jesus is risen!). I personally hear verse 5 as “Dara, stop looking for life among dead things.” I know where I must place my identity first and foremost…as a follower of the One who is risen. It is so easy to forget what He tells us, isn’t it?
I am beginning to look at unexpected in a different light after having so much of it these past several years. I am also realizing that the most beautiful things in our life stories are often the unexpected things. Praise God, that life is unexpected.
Whew, verse 5. What is dead in my life? Am I staring at it, trying to observe life? Whew.